Note: There will be explicit language peppered into this story, so do tap away if you’re not comfortable with it.
Also note: This is a very long article, so get your snacks ready!
Setting the stage
I’m a Singaporean kid who was 17 years old in 2018. I had just completed secondary school and was about to begin tertiary education (which would be equivalent to starting high school/11th grade in most other countries if I’m not mistaken).
As of writing this story, I’m a few months past 19 years of age.
A bad start
This story begins following a secondary school experience where I didn’t really make a lot of friends or get along well with a lot of people. A mix of me probably being an asshole and not being easy to get along with.
I wasn’t naturally gifted with the conventional studying track, neither was I too enthusiastic about studying from a book 24/7, and it showed through my results; Which weren’t terrible, but not eye-popping either. Just average.
Needless to say, I didn’t enjoy my time there.
Entry steps
As 2018 rolled around, it was time for me to decide where I would go for tertiary education.
I’d disliked the concept of Singapore’s more societally conventional route of Junior College, as I had strong feelings against the theory-dominant, head-under-the-books curriculum that came with it.
I’d just finished 4 years of secondary school, I was not going to do it again for another two.
To avoid this, my naïve 16-year old self decided to look at polytechnics.
I began flipping through the thick book of options that were available.
My thought process at the time was very simple. Laughable with the benefit of hindsight. But simple.
“What do I like to do?”
“Play games!”
“Cool let’s go with that; hey this course titled Immersive Media and Game Design sounds good!”
Of course with the benefit of hindsight, that was a terrible way to decide where I would spend the next 3 years.
I hadn’t done a lot of prior research regarding the course, learning about what I would be doing during my time in the course, and understanding future career paths.
All I remember was that the stuff that was showcased during the school’s Open House was really cool. Apparently, that was a good enough sell for a 17-year-old kid.
After waiting a few months for formalities and administrative work, I was enrolled into Ngee Ann Polytechnic (huzzah).
Right off the bat, a lot of modules involved coding, which wasn’t and still isn’t a strong suit of mine. There were other modules that I enjoyed and had fun with, but coding modules would remain a thorn by my side, and I would struggle with it throughout my 3 years in school.
Now, despite being terrible at coding (which is an understatement), there were a few interesting modules in the first semester, which gave way to some pretty interesting experiences. Those experiences would set me up for the rest of my time in school and after.
Hooked on design
I had a module that was supposed to teach us about design principles, but all it really did was provide us freshmen with some exposure to some tools that existed within the world of design, primarily Adobe software like Photoshop and Illustrator.
Of the different softwares we were exposed to, I was captivated the most by Illustrator, mainly due to just how much it could create.
We had a small exercise that was due in a week, which had us practice using the Pen Tool to copy this rooster illustration, and also recolour it in a palette of our choice.
For some reason, I was engrossed with trying to improve my skills with the Pen Tool, almost borderline obsessive at a point in time. This resulted in a ridiculous amount of time spent trying to understand the software and improving tool usage and efficiency.
The first version of the illustration I did took something upwards of 12 hours, with plenty of gaps between vector shapes, andhaving no understanding of colour theory.
The end result: A horrendously coloured product.
I was very, very unsatisfied. But for some unknown reason, there was something that kept pulling me to keep retrying and improve.
There were plenty of restarts and desk smacking out of frustration, trying to understand why it wasn’t turning out as perfect as I wanted.
I looked up videos, tips, any online resources I could read to learn and figure out how I could improve at Illustrator and its Pen Tool.
That amounted to staying up for a ridiculous amount of days over the course of the week before the exercise was due, and tallying about at least 90 hours on that single rooster.
Let’s think about that for a second, imagining spending 90 hours out of 168 hours in a week sounds ridiculous, and on just a stupid little rooster illustration.
But the more important takeaway whilst reflecting on this episode is that I didn’t think about it, which I believe was the main reason I managed to do it (this will be a recurring topic).
My results from that week were:
- Significantly improved proficiency with Illustrator and its tools
(From taking 12 hours to fully trace the illustration, to only needing 2) - A severe lack of sleep
- Still a terrible understanding of colour theory
- 1 ‘perfectly’ traced rooster Illustration.
Though it was a terrible use of time, that exercise was what set me off on the road to discover everything else I would go on to love within the world of design.
From there, I became absorbed with creating stuff.
Illustrations, logos, websites, branding materials, motion graphics. Anything that could be created, I dove right in.
Crash landing
After the initial episode of discovery, I was extremely eager to learn and grow as fast as possible, pick up all the skills within the field, learn absolutely everything there was available, and tackle all the assignments that came my way.
With my newfound obsession, along with the new skills and experiences that I would discover in the months to come, I felt like I was in the driving seat to handle any issues that came my way and plow through them like it was nothing.
The stage was set following the turn of the new year in 2019. Assignment submissions would be arriving over the course of the next two months, with a big final team assignment for last. I was also in charge of overseeing a department tasked with gathering logistics to be used for a student-organized camp for my faculty’s club members. No big deal right?
Cue Murphy’s Law. In full force.
To start the year, I would encounter some big life tragedies that I’d have to tackle with my family, which would heavily affect my work and life.
On top of that, the big assignment of the second semester would prove to be a tall task for my team. I was tasked to help with the front-end development of the application, which was far from my area of expertise.
Self-frustration built, as I found myself unable to clear the development tasks assigned to me.
Coupled with personal issues ambushing me at the same time, the stress began to compound.
As the final two weeks arrived before the submission of the major assignment, I experienced my first burn out.
My productivity and spirit tanked completely, leaving me panicking and frantic to try and find my mojo back. I forced myself to sit down and get the development work done, even if it was at a snail’s pace, and in a very painful process. I neglected my health to try and get the job done, which was not a smart decision, and I would pay for it.
The problems would reach a fever pitch (pun not intended) within the last few days. I ended up coming down with a very high fever, which would proceed to sideline me from any work for the rest of the assignment.
At that point, I felt like absolute shit. I burned out, got sick (I’m sure the fever contributed to that in some way), and failed to deliver for the team when it mattered the most. I felt like I let my team down and that ate me up, as I lay in bed unable to help my teammates.
Academic matters aside, the fever also coincided with the final preparation stages of the student-organized camp.
My leadership and team management skills at the time were horrendous. I had failed to distribute the workload across the team, and tried to tackle everything myself.
Work ground to a complete halt with my absence, and there was no progress made. In the final days where everything was supposed to be coming together.
After a lecture from the camp in-charge, I then slowly organized the work that needed to be done and distributed it to the team while my head was heating itself and spinning at the same time.
Due to this, my confidence in leading the team going into the actual camp itself was already shaken before it had even started. Blunders were made over the course of the camp, but they were handled and the camp would proceed to the end.
Even though the camp ended as an overall success in the eyes of campers, the slip-ups from my department and I were enough to be chided by other departments, further adding on to an overall disappointing and frustrating experience for myself.
Even though my friends would try their best to cheer me up and tried to lighten my spirits, it didn’t help as these negative feelings would have to be processed and internalized by myself.
Despite everything that went wrong and feeling like I had hit rock bottom in just my first year, there were still valuable takeaways from all the failures.
I would carry all these over into my second year of school, whether I knew it or not.
Repair and takeoff
It took a bit of time, but I would make good use of the semester break to gather myself and gear up for my second year.
After all, I was entering my second year with an obsession-like passion for digital design, along with the experience of how poor leadership and time management can affect a team and project in its entirety. That’s worth at least something in the grand scheme of things.
Year 2 would start off with modules that focused on 3D asset creation, wireframing, User Experience (UX), and Motion Graphics (yes, there were programming modules as well, and yes I would struggle with those).
Wireframing was something that I had done my own exploration of before the second year rolled around.
3D asset creation and motion graphics felt like another great creative avenue that complemented the visual, UI design that I had fawned over.
Of course, programming would once again be an Achilles heel for me, though I had the support of great classmates that could cover my weakness while I worked on the UI design of our projects.
But when the lessons for User Experience came, though they were very theory-heavy, it was another element that captivated me.
It was another layer to the world of design that I had crafted within my head and had thought was the whole pie. Needless to say, I hadn’t even found the tip of the iceberg at the time (and I probably still haven’t to this day).
There were so many overlapping areas with wireframes, digital elements and by extension, anything that a user would interact with. I was fascinated, and the obsession began once again.
I would scour the web for any kind of resources, materials, guides, videos, examples of UX in action and take it all in; then take that newfound knowledge and relook at apps that I used frequently to spot all these little things that contributed to the entire application’s experience.
It was like rewatching your favourite movie which you remember all the scenes and lines for, only better.
The thought of an entire discipline focused on one simple thing: Making a user’s experience even better, was simply amazing for me.
I had a lot of fun watching others talk about UX, learning about their thought process for understanding their users and their pains, deciding on what was the next course of action, what strategies to implement, etc;
Coming back up from the rabbit hole of my UX dive for a bit, it was at that time in school where I had a reputation amongst my peers, that they could chat with me about their ideas in design or any challenges that they faced; and I would bounce ideas back at them.
I was happy to get involved and help them better understand what their next course of action could be for their own project work.
It was just fun to talk about anything design-related.
In that time, I found something: a deep feeling of satisfaction and happiness that came with helping my peers with work, as well as guiding my course juniors, be it through design work or giving advice as a senior.
There was something about being able to talk to others and help them understand questions that they had with regard to design work.
The other modules were good fun, I enjoyed learning about new things and tackling the assignments, though nothing stood out too extravagantly like UX did, with the exception of one assignment.
There was a final assignment for a module that had us creating responsive (desktop, mobile, and tablet), high fidelity wireframe layouts for a business product of our choosing (no coding required!).
For some reason, the lecturer decided to mention the fastest submission for the project that came the year before by our seniors, which was 3 weeks before the submission date.
I still don’t know why, but my teammates and I decided to have some fun and submit the project an entire month ahead of the submission date, and we accomplished it.
It would prove beneficial, as we essentially had one less assignment to worry about heading into crunch time in the final weeks of the semester.
The rest of the assignments also came out great, with huge thanks to the great teammates that I was with who once again, covered my weaknesses superbly.
Another semester break would come and go, as I did even more exploration in the world of design during my downtime. My personal life would also see some changes, as I would enter a romantic relationship for the first time as the fourth school semester began.
False high points
All was going well, nothing could possibly go wrong at this stage, is what I thought to myself as the world turned a new decade.
But like the year before, there wouldn’t be highs without devastating lows to mark the end of the school year.
My fourth semester would be a unique one.
Schoolwork went alright through the semester, but I had very little idea on how to manage a relationship with a significant other and it took a toll on me.
I would allocate all my free time for my girlfriend and set aside less time than I’d have liked for my own creative development, as well as schoolwork.
While I held my own for projects over the semester, I felt bad that I wasn’t there 100% all the time for my teammates who once again covered my weaknesses superbly.
I was always worrying about whether I was doing enough for my relationship, and it affected my work, my mood/attitude, and my interactions with others in my life.
There were many different issues that cropped up during the relationship, but one of the main problems was that I was afraid of engaging in arguments and fights with my significant other as I had a crippling fear of being the enemy in anyone’s story.
I wasn’t a great communicator as well throughout the months that we were together, and as the fourth semester ended, so did my relationship.
The breakup came at a rather unfortunate time: right as the third and final year of school was about to start, and right as the world entered quarantine.
Failed Leadership
Singapore would enter lockdown amidst the pandemic, but the show would go on and the entire fifth semester would be held from home.
While classmates rejoiced that they could wake up 5 minutes before lesson time, as well as have traveling time to and from campus completely negated, it was a nightmare for me instead.
Having my entire semester online and from home meant that:
- My home and room were far from a conducive place for me to work, flooded with heaps of distractions and deterrents which I lacked the discipline to work around.
The lines between work and play became blurred, and I struggled to reach the same levels of productivity I was once at. - I was a lot more productive when I worked in different environments. Studying in different spots around school and town was the way I kept productive in the previous year.
Being forced to stay at home meant that I lost the catalyst for my creative spark. - The new team I would be a part of in the semester was not a team that I gelled well with in terms of working styles and habits.
(I had also looked forward to being able to work within the studio that the school had arranged for final year students, but that’s a smaller issue compared to the others.)
This unique semester would bring a lot of new modules, as well as a big final year project that would draw from everything that we had learned over the years, as well as new content from this semester.
Modules outside of the big project were great fun, I learned how to create 3D prototypes for real-world applications (3D printing was awesome), along with learning how to mix audio for various uses.
Other notable modules included learning about project management in the form of SPRINTs, as well as learning about Social Media management, along with some branding.
The most eventful was a project where we had to manage our course’s Instagram page. The team created plenty of content ranging from animation shorts, infographic carousels, and more.
It was challenging, but a lot of fun, and gave me a newfound respect for a good social media team/manager (a good example would be the Mercedes AMG F1 Instagram and Twitter. Absolute entertainment).
Modules aside, the main project of the semester came with a large pile of problems.
The seeds for a less-than-successful project were planted early, as the team didn’t have a strong programmer that could lead the charge for this mammoth of a game product that we would have to create.
We had good artists, but they had the habit of procrastinating.
The environment of working from home likely contributed to this common folly, but blame also falls on me for failing to motivate the team as the leader.
I lacked the discipline to stay on top of things as the new team’s leader, and I wouldn’t be able to see the team through to a fully complete product for our fifth semester.
Overall, I made it through the fifth semester, but far from satisfactory.
The underbelly of internships.
It wouldn’t be a semester in polytechnic for me if there weren’t some unusual experiences, and my last semester wouldn’t be an exception.
Following a rocky fifth semester, the sixth and final semester would be a 6-month internship to cap off my polytechnic journey, and unusual would happen almost immediately as I began my first internship.
I intend to write another article going more in-depth into my experiences over the course of my internship as there’s simply too much to talk about from just that 6 months; Though in order to give a proper conclusion to this essay of an article, I’ll give a nice run-through of it.
I had the opportunity to intern as a UI/UX Designer at a startup company that specialized in connecting businesses with relevant experts to help further their business ventures.
While it was great that I could secure an internship during the pandemic, the workplace was filled with plenty of obstacles for me to face head-on.
From questionable company structure and ridiculously long working hours, to toxic work/performance culture and vastly differing expectations between company management and the staff, several issues all contributed to an environment that really wasn’t positive to work in.
It was absolute hell. I felt my love for design straining after experiencing five weeks of work environments that were unhealthy and unappreciative of design.
I could feel it, them saying:
“That’s cool, but I don’t give a fuck about the technical and emotional aspect of the work that you do. I just want you to be able to create this product that would need 3x resources and 3x amount of time than what I’m allocating you.
Failure to agree with me will result in unnecessary berating. Good luck!”
This wasn’t it. I didn’t agree with slogging away in a toxic factory that didn’t care about me aside from my work.
It was time to leave.
After discussing with my school mentors about the best course of action, I withdrew from the company and would be without an internship.
I felt very insecure, wondering why I couldn’t just push through it, even though I knew that it wouldn’t have been beneficial for me in the long run. My confidence definitely took a hit, but at this point, I’d been through my own sufficient share of shitty situations to know how to get back on my feet.
In spite of the shitstorm that occurred, I didn’t leave completely empty-handed.
I observed and stole plenty of knowledge that would come in handy for the rest of my internship, which included stuff like:
Being reactive in conversations, understanding how to phrase my ideas better based on who I’m talking to, and being a lot more comfortable with being thick-skinned.
After moping for about 2 days, I began looking for another company I could call home for the rest of my unusual internship.
After asking around for a bit, a friend whom I shall call by their alias of ‘Puffin’, who was working in a company called The Doodle People, told me that they would be able to accept another intern. I didn’t need a second invitation and applied instantly.
After an interview, I would be accepted into the company and continued my internship there.
Call it fate, if you will, but The Doodle People were the complete opposite in terms of company operation.
No longer in a frantic rat-race start-up company, The Doodle People were a breath of fresh air;
A creative studio focused on empowering work through play.
They created digital experiences in the Augmented Reality & Virtual Reality (AR/VR) space, fostering a tight-knit family and warm working environment where it was empowering to be a creative mind.
It was a complete 180, to say the least.
The projects, rewards and takeaways were plentiful, but none more important than these:
- You don’t have to rule with an iron fist in order to lead a company well; it’s perfectly normal to be welcoming with those you work with.
- Working in the right company culture is more mentally beneficial than people give credit for.
I’d never agreed with the saying of “Time flies when you’re having fun” more than ever, as the 14 weeks I’d spend at The Doodle People would fly by before I knew it.
The last day of internship passed, the clock reaching 6 pm at my desk. High fives and goodbyes filled the office.
I walked out the glass door of The Doodle People for the last time, reality slowly sinking in that I had just completed my first ever internship, and unofficially graduated from my three-year relationship with my polytechnic.
I reached the end of the tunnel.
Final takeaways:
- A mountain of failures to learn from.
- A deep-seated love for design and its impact.
- Still a kid even after 3 years.
What’s to come
Finishing polytechnic is nice, but there’s still so much more life to live. And learn.
While I await my National Service enlistment date, I decided to go back to my roots. To learn more and get closer to the dream of being an Experience Designer.
I decided to rebuild my foundations not just in design, but in adjacent areas like writing and personal development.
I mapped out stages of growth, each stage focusing on a specific area that would all contribute in the long haul.
- Personal development
- Communicating myself better through writing
- Writing to showcase myself, and my work to the world
- Understanding the synergy between Developer and Designer
- Learning what contributes to better experiences through design.
I compiled books, online materials, any kind of resources I could get my hands on. Armed with my map, I set sail, aiming for the end goal of the 7th of June.
What happens along this journey before enlistment is still being written, but I’d love to share how it goes with all of you, and it’ll be linked here when that article goes live.
If you’ve made it to the end of this marathon of a post, I truly appreciate it and I hope that you enjoyed reading this chunk of my life.
Ciao!
